How can we explain the obligation to take care of our elders?
The first theory is the reciprocity norm, which is basically the social norm that if someone helps us or gives us something, we are expected to return the favor. As children, older people have taken care of us. For me, my parents have obviously raised me by providing a home, food, and opportunities. However, they have also received help from their parents, or my grandparents. From helping out when I was a baby to watching over me when I was a child when my parents were working, my grandparents have also played a big role in my upbringing. Therefore, as they grow older, the obligation to take care of them not only falls on my parents, but also myself. However, a criticism of this is that it’s a parent’s moral responsibility to take care of their children, so there isn’t necessarily a debt that needs to be repaid on the child’s behalf. Another theory is that children take care of their older parents because of the relationship between them, not because of owing something. Ideally, the relationship between parent and child is one of friendship. In this type of relationship, both sides look out for each other out of kindness, so the child takes care of their parents because they care for their wellbeing. Of course, this model doesn’t work when the relationship between parent and child is strained in some way, and there are no feelings of friendship. The last theory I want to explore is the special relationship between parent and child. Parents don’t get to choose what child they get to be parents of, and children don’t get to choose who they get born to. This creates a special bond because in other relationships we can choose who we want to be with, like our friends. Therefore, the love between parent and child is unconditional and unchosen. This relationship is also the stem to other familial relationships, like with grandparents, siblings, cousins, so it can therefore be seen as beneficial. To continue this relationship through age, it’s often on the child to keep in contact with their parents or check in on how they’re doing. Obviously, the individual situations of the child-parent relationship are different. If parents adopted their child, isn’t this technically choosing a child, which contradicts the third theory? If a child’s parents pass away when they are young, and they go live with someone else, do these new people assume the same role and relationship with the child as their parents did? Abusive or neglectful parents and poor living conditions can also alter the child-parent relationship. Therefore, it’s important to consider the unique circumstances surrounding this relationship because it’s more likely not the ideal model.
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